VOLUME III

Petits Contes - 
Some Short Tales In Tableau Form Around The Zodiac 
On The Theme Of Love Through Adventure And 
				   Misadventure

Noël Tointon (1987)

Preface

	The following poems form a cycle around the zodiac. In this cycle I have tried to explore the existential richness of the situations that develop in the quest for sexual-love, with an emphasis on gay sexual expression, as related to me by various friends. I have adopted the short story form, as used by André Gide for example, but using a much briefer poetic basis, each poem having a twist to its ending but also making and exploring various religious allusions and philosophical points along the way. Last year I wrote thirty-three sonnets to bring my total in that form to nearly sixty. In reaction to the intensity of that genre I have tried to write in as blank a form as possible and finding I was using lines of six and nine syllables, in order to steer clear of decameter, decided to cast this entire cycle in such a manner ending each verse section with a line of three syllables. My interest in astrology also infiltrates each scene or tableau. 				  		

							   Noël Tointon, 24.5.87

Prologue

	The richness of being is such that
the unexpected can
strike us at any time,
fated fortune can knock on the door 
and invite itself in and let you 
find yourself somewhere else -
adrift in those long dark passageways 
and corridors of deepest desire,
or in those closed rooms where
free will has no effect,
where choice must run its course,
where well we must suffer out what pain,
or pleasure, waits in keen attendance 
upon the momentum
of all our previous commitments
in their most pressing weight.
But, be that as it may
stoic transcendence can
still let us painlessly
stand back in reflection.
Immersed in such mindful detachment
it frees us to accept what we must.
Even in the very midst of much 
unpleasantness we can
laugh a little, or the better still,
silently learn to forever laugh,
never forgo such haughty laughter.
The humour of humour 
is transcendental, in highest truth,
the very being of being there!
This existential state
must discover itself
to be equally the ethical 
and the aesthetical,
as reality of
the reality of
the ongoing experience of 
reality itself.
So when we come to find 
some humorous account 
recounted to us let's
not point our laughter at these pictured
actors and actresses,
but, instead, laugh with them
and let ourselves become
le raconteur or la raconteuse.
In this way let us reperceive that 
spiritual element that cannot
be determined but found 
revealed, recognized and hopefully
realized!

Scene I: Aries - The Satyr!

	One day a friend pointed out to me
A gentle long haired youth,
a sweet short fellow with
the finest of looks, almost Christ-like
in form, a rare vision
so naturally unpretentious.
"Look over there", he said,
"take a good look at him,
that guy waiting in line at the end
of the queue for the bus.
Ah, I could never forget that guy",
he said, "and those good times,
those three long winter nights 
we did spend together.
He was my first loving encounter,
a three night stand that beat
my few hapless one night stands, someone
who made me feel good, who
told me that I could love someone gay.
Shall never forget too 
how my best straight friend thought 
he would surprise me, give me a fright,
for he just rushed into 
my unlocked flat to find us naked 
in the bed together,
as good luck would have it
we were watching t.v.
Oh well didn't need to tell my friend
I was out, the next day he even
complimented me on my good taste
and did joke about my 
good luck compared to his.
Should have seen his poor face,
his surprise was much greater than ours,
and the embarrassment...
Alas such pleasure had a short life,
ye, I shall never forget that guy.
He is an aries, and arian,
but no mean ram this man, 
more the bunny rabbit
for I couldn't stop him,
he would try some eight times a night and 
nearly always succeed, hey, you might 
not believe me, he said,
we still found time to sleep,
how I do not know but in all truth 
he was the first gay man
I slept with"!

Scene II: Taurus - The Bisexual Body-Builder?

	One fire-lit winter's night
with a few gay friends reminiscing,
just after the heaviest of meals
with a little wine and much laughter,
recollections collected themselves 
prompted by the finest chocolates.
A detached reverie
met in the best verbal repartee,
philosophic banter 
and rhetoric entered the best of
confessions, tales of luck
and woe, pleasure and fun.
O, I am a sinner, cries a friend,
I have fallen from the greatest heights
into the hissing cauldrons of lust!
There is no hope for me,
the heated flesh-pots of this city
have found in me their willing servant.
One night stands are nothing,
I indulged in a ten minute fling
that should leave me mute but even now 
I still love every minute of it,
leaves me wanting, and wanting more, or
longing for better still...
It was wet, I was bored, 
had no lover to cuddle up to,
to find an embrace that
would make me forget myself, make me
feel real, so dressing up in faded 
jeans went to town to seek some release.
The one coin movie stands found me in
their embrace and seeing 
the cutest guy enter,
like a prize stud walking from the ring,
just looked in longingly
at this wettest of dreams 
all perfect body built.
He beckoned me in, made me welcome.
The cardboard closet was warmly tight,
without a moment's thought
one strong arm loosely encircled my 
shoulders, and then my waist, 
and then the other arm did touch me.
We chin kissed and cuddled 
for a few more minutes while watching 
the flickering film, half acting out
unconsciously its ev'ry embrace.
I found my arms encircling his taught 
wonderful waist and letting them drop
a little found him waiting for me.
In the heat of play his trousers dropped 
while feeding the machine 
with his unsteady excited hand.
I clung in the sweetest embrace and
found myself soon inside.
"Please don't cum", he said, heaving himself
upon me, "but, but I am, I am..."
this lucky fellow said,
whilst his friend held him the more tightly.
It was fortunate in those days that 
the newspapers, all those tattered rags,
had caught no gay plague for as yet Aids 
was just newly named and barely known.
After some mate-like hugs
and words of thanks, he said, 
"if you see me somewhere with someone
please don't let on to them you know me, 
I like to screw women too its just
you see, occasionally, as well, 
from time to time, sometimes find I like
to be screwed!"

Scene III: Gemini - Finding An Asian Lover Overseas?

	Perhaps the first lover of our life 
reflects the way we are 
or the way we would wish to be or 
perhaps we find in them 
something that colours and 
shapes our longing forever after.
A friend of mine's first love 
was a Lebanese guy,
the sweetest soul who has since married, 
or more correctly found
he had himself by family married.
Still good friends without his
wife made the wiser on this subject 
my friend longs for a lover hailing
from oriental climes.
What profit he who sits
and does nothing, makes no investment,
gives out no sign of inward leaning.
Our knocking finds the door
and the door finds our entrance passage
and our entry is made the surer 
by our desire to enter inward 
this way and not through some other door.
It pays to advertise 
the motto says and in 
one Asian newspaper,
published in Manila,
my friend signalled his search
with a few discreet signs
suggested by a male companion
wanted for world travel and friendship.
An avalanche of mail 
descended upon my 
friend - two hundred and fifty replies 
and seven woman too.
Such finest qualities, 
such qualifications and degrees,
such virtues and faithfulness, youth filled
desires for adventure, 
escapes sought from such harsh poverty 
that took in even the most learned.
First-made letters with beaming photos,
second epistles with more recent 
made images of the intended,
and third communications with less
fresher found visages 
artfully posed before cameras 
that said - I am a photographer,
this image shot before a mirror,
or I love antiques and finer things,
or I am he who loves to travel,
or he who loves his food 
or friends or family.
Narrowed down to thirty hopeful souls
my careful friend vetted in person
such willing applicants,
and sifting out the wheat from the chaff
met each one, one after the other.
The hotel intercom 
paged him often, the doorman cursed him,
the lift boys winked and bellboys followed.
The search now left him with but a few
who continued their correspondence 
until the chosen one packed his bags.
To Europe they went and in their trail
followed continual disaster.
One more marriage found in future store,
some experience, and earned money, 
before tying the knot,
visa regulations at the whim 
of heartless officials
who turn airports into 
hostelries that further 
separated the separated.
Alas, alas, sighs my older friend,
must all our history 
repeat itself, in cycles hell bent 
on repetitious repetition, 
cannot time's erotic arrow be 
sent out straight!

Scene IV: Cancer - Feted Deception!

	Slim guy, 25, with pleasant looks
seeks nice gay guy 20 - 30,
many interests, must 
be honest...

Hi, your ad. caught my interest and
hence my reply, do hope you will write?
Am 30, love classical music,
flower arranging, art,
some bush walking occasionally,
beach and long hours in bed
with that someone very special.
Am flying up your way 
on holiday next month, 
would suggest you let me 
take you out to dinner
at the hotel I am staying in
and then we both go back to your place?
Am looking forward to seeing you,
wishing you all the best, 
yours friendly...

"My mother is into 
flower arranging", my friend tells me,
"this letter's very much in third gear,
haven't even met the guy as yet".
"Very friendly isn't he?"
"Oh well, nothing ventured nothing gained,
may be no lover, may 
be a friend..?"

Before too long the time comes for each
to meet the other and after work
my friend goes to the hotel and at 
the stroke of five exact
knocks on the door, and then 
knocks again...

"Hello, I was having a short nap, 
I'm sorry but did mean 
to wake up earlier.
You don't mind if I take 
a quick shower, here you wait beside 
the bed, won't be too long".
The man in a silken dressing gown,
going through the motions of waking,
mops his forehead with a handkerchief 
and wanders out through the 
door into the bath room,
a big guy, and at least 
eighteen stone...

The meal was rather nice,
one of the best hotels
this city could offer,
numerous courses politely served,
amidst the indiscreet-like chatter 
of gay politics, gay this and that.
Gave him a kick under the table, 
says my friend, everyone was starring, 
and no poor waiter was safe from his 
long careful scrutiny.
Wouldn't you like that one, he would say,
and then the next waiter
would go on past to the sound of the
same loud comment again.
And the inane conversation would
then re-continue, nearly all of
the names dropped were of course...
This guy was famous, all the famous
knew him, he would tell me
names I knew and names I didn't know.
"When you go to London you must say 
hello to so and so, 
just you mention my name. 
Do you know this other so and so,
she's famous, got a weak heart you know, 
you would know..?"

Came on back to my place 
which just happened to be 
a few minutes around 
the corner most unfortunately.
Took one look at my hard 
bed on the floor, and seeing him see 
himself upon it, then saw him see
himself like a whale out of water, 
stranded on some far, far away beach.
Had to laugh, he told me
they all want to rape him,
that by the second or third letter
honest affection became passion.
Even had the temerity to 
name a friend of mine and 
rubbish him...

Saw this friend of mine some time later,
and he told me, and you 
just wouldn't believe it,
he was offered a thousand dollars
to live with him as live in lovers,
no doubt paid for by the company!
"Deceitfulness is his second name,
for goodness sakes", I was quickly told,
"he's old enough to be our father,
why he's a menace, all forty-five 
years of him, without doubt,
forty-five!"

Scene V: Leo - Sex Over The Telephone?

	Laura met Larry some time ago
at some convention or conference.
Both are aged fifty-five,
Larry is married and
Laura is now single.
Larry is mad about Laura, he
thinks that she and her voice 
are absolutely wonderful and
often rings her, at least once a week,
at any time of the day or night
from all over the world.
In his type of profession he has 
much travelling to do.
"Larry returns from Hong Kong today,
I suppose he will time his call with 
this hot meal I have just cooked tonight".
And sure enough the telephone rings.
"Hello, was just talking 
about you Larry, your timing is 
always impeccable,
you have just a few minutes before 
I put the dinner on the table, 
have a few friend over 
for tea right now... no, no,
alas, no gentlemen 
callers tonight unfortunately.
How's everything for you and your 
family, your flight back went ok?
Did Mary get her birthday present 
on time... she had some school friends over 
for the party, bet things were noisy?!
You are very naughty, 
Larry, I was looking 
forward to going out 
with you to a restaurant during 
your waiting stop-over from Melbourne.
Your choice of connection 
didn't really give us enough time 
to be together, but never mind,
It was nice to see you.
Your return flight would have 
stopped over in Singapore perhaps..?
Well, well, if our paths cross over there, 
you will most certainly have to take 
me to Raffles instead.
I was looking forward 
to the Regent here in Sydney and 
it was just as well I 
didn't book that table after all.
Your trip to Hong Kong was 
successful..?"

Laura is a truly wonderful 
cook and excellent tease.
She knows well she wouldn't 
be wined and dined by this married man 
and she plays the promise 
of an intimate meal 
for two for all it's worth.
Then she plays out the broken promise
and poor Larry is taken in by 
an artful pretence that neither share.
As Laura tells us it's really nice 
to have someone to call 
at any time of the day or night
and receive a call from that someone 
who honestly likes you, 
when that person is a warm loving 
friend however hopeless their sense of
timing in international and
local S.T.D. calls.
As Laura recounts it, 
from every point of view,
when all's said and done, it's 
very safe!

Scene VI: Virgo - The Perfectionist?

	Once upon a time there 
was this young fairy and a fine, fine 
perfect young man was he, 
definitely not the sort that would 
inhabit the bottom of gardens 
where we all know what goes on down there 
at night don't we... don't we?
Not an earthy fellow this shy chap, 
well not on the surface, 
but some passion did boil deep beneath 
and some honesty too.
"My girlfriend loves me much",
he said, "but I only see her through 
the eyes of others, my affection
is just friendly but not heavenly",
he confidentially whispered 
to his not too straight friend,
a dark bisexual 
dwarf of no mean statue.
"Better to love and love unwisely",
his short friend did counsel,
"than to not really have loved at all".
"But what is the point", the young man said 
to his older friend, "what is the use
if I cannot meet my Mr. Right".
"But, dear friend", said the dwarf with a laugh,
"you are a fine fairy,
why this old toad cannot 
meet Mr. or Mrs., 
the Master or Ms. Wrong,
but then I really do tell a lie,
he quickly added, for
there is no accounting 
for personal taste and 
people will see in you 
want they want to see, and
even find some good more oft' than not.
Why take me I have a wife and a 
fine young fellow too and more offers 
thrown in than can cope with,
indeed, my dearest friend, 
let me see you out with some nice dates".
"O fairy godmother that thou art 
I wish for but little...
he should be tall and handsome, not dark
nor foreign, neither fat nor too thin,
with perhaps light blond hair,
but certainly not bald,
and definitely not a smoker,
an intelligent person, lover
of good art and music, fine food too,
a younger boy who must be manly".
"Alas, we all have our fatal flaws,
could a hero be but otherwise",
said the dwarf to his friend,
"but the very best is what I'll do, 
so have some fun", he said 
with a wicked wink, "and 
let me do the hard part
arranging some good times",
or at least rearranging your way 
of seeing things he wisely thought to 
himself, muttering under his breath
quietly.

First there was Manuel -
the manly man from Manly known as 
`the body'... but no mind.
One look and our young friend's 
heart starts to quiver in 
sweet anticipation.
But he needn't have bothered, his date
had no imagination nor flair,
all sex symbol but without substance,
having daily exhausted himself 
in the gym for hours, wasting his time
playing out the stud, seeking naught else,
not caring for others,
without a true love for 
his disembodied self,
seeking not to house his 
homeless soul.

Then there was Anthony -
the good looking tall pianistic 
self-perplexed psychopath.
They went to a party 
one night together and 
the time becoming late 
they find they had no way to go home 
and seek to stay the night with their host.
This Anthony states he cannot `come',
alas, and our young friend 
states he cannot `go' but
would be very happy 
to just sleep together.
Anthony's colder hands 
were very long and thin 
and stroke the neck of our poor young friend 
who could not get off to sleep for fear
that he would soon be the next victim,
the next murder in bed...
The thankful morning slowly arrives 
and Anthony then drags him off to
the small Catholic church 
down the hill, in the town,
to help him extirpate
all sins uncommitted.
They hitch a lift back to the city,
which happened to be with 
the priest, who, no doubt was curious 
and very gay, causes great concern
for holy Anthony.
"Come and have lunch with me tomorrow",
Anthony tells our friend,
"come home and meet my mum".
Well off they were, a rich person's house,
and over dry scrambled eggs on toast
the young friend meets mother!
"You have been going with 
my son" she quickly pounced,
to Anthony's delight,
"don't you know the Bible 
tells you that this is sin"!
"Would you suffer out a witch to live",
quoting from Exodus, 
ch.22, v.18, he
did defend himself with such reply,
eating like a condemned man taking 
his last meal.

Then there was Alberto newly come
from Italy, Rome to be precise,
who in truth had still not yet arrived.
Our young friend takes in this 
new found Australian,
who takes in our young friend,
who takes our young friend for a long ride,
who takes in a little time to rest,
who takes in another 
new found Australian,
before moving onward
leaving a new love for foreigners,
leaving a profound unquenched love for 
foreign blood.

Next our friend met Ronald
the very long distance road runner.
A very handsome man
of great health and fitness
who ne'er saw the inside of a car
and who would do little walking too,
a taciturn man of little words,
a fine person, good company but
hardly the best of matches for our 
young friend who nearly died when he asked 
this youth-filled man his age and was told 
he was to date all of 
forty-eight!

Appearances are so deceptive,
in his meeting sweet Douglas the Dane
our friend falls madly in love again.
Such fine physique, so gentle yet strong,
such wonderful blond hair,
a mane spilling like a golden field 
of feathers, like softest down this bed 
of perfect hair beckons
a homely restfulness.
They court for a few days,
through the botanic gardens wander,
do their shopping, go out together.
Alas, poorest Douglas is fearful,
will his latest friend accept this head 
of flowing hair when he has but none?
An artful wig conceals 
a shiny all bald top
and an unexpected quick gust of 
wind will soon reveal all, but it will 
make little difference for the Dane 
did soon sail on for more hairier 
pastures seen.

A blind date was arranged,
for two times two and all
four met each other at the theatre.
Before the curtain rose,
just in the nick of time
our two suitors did meet
Mick, a perfect young man,
who loved what our friend did like and who,
in turn, did like what our man did love
but an early night intervened with 
one hard day's work before 
they could remeet the following day, 
each dreaming longingly, 
waiting lovingly for the other 
and then day-dreaming too.
However, unkind was 
such fate for although this
Mick `the man' was a happy joker
he was also a dreadful smoker.
A pack of fifty-two
might see him out for some of the day,
only the sheerest necessity
saw him stop lest the law
took its fine legal way
and billed him for other's displeasure.
A lustfulness, however, took on
a happy precedent
but in such play was dealt 
out the saddest of separation 
for boyfriend Mick was on holiday
and shortly flew back home, far away,
and then in the goodness of time he
met another man who,
having discarded the dreaded weed,
did set out to repeat
this good deed.

His friend the dwarf never failed him and 
did line him up once more.
"You must meet Marc-Antoine the student,
a lover of fine food" - 
un homme de bon gout, un bon gourmet,
and also, un gourmand,
and meet they did, meeting 
this poorest of students.
Alas, fortune was this poor person's 
misfortune, having won Lotto and 
then his degree and a plush job too
money made his downfall 
arrive all the quicker.
A restaurant ev'ry night, breakfast 
and lunch too, morning teas,
afternoon teas and heavy suppers
took this thin pale student,
much liked and loved, to an early grave.
A coronary struck him down dead,
all within the same year, falling like 
a ripe fruit.

"I have met everything I sought and 
found everything I didn't want and 
in everything I didn't want 
I did find what I would have gladly sought"
our young fairy tells the wise old dwarf, 
his closest companion.
"Why", he said, "you yourself
would make a better catch than all these 
gossamer dreams that melt 
and just fade away when you touch them".
"You are most kind, comrade", smiles the dwarf,
"but take heart when you least expect it
a wonderful man will pick you up 
and take you home and you'll 
live happily forever after,
but, you must have no expectations,
just enjoy his company and like 
kissing a frog you will
find a prince"!

Scene VII: Libra - Omission And Commission!

	A good friend said to me,
as a catholic, to good to be 
too catholic, that in parallel
balance there are the venial sins 
of both omission and commission.
Let me illustrate this doctrinal 
point with some vivid misadventures
that mark the changing shifting travels 
of my own troubled soul.
One hot dessert night when passing through 
the Suez bound for the 
United Kingdom heard 
from my cabin the sound through the wall
of many male voices,
taking their time, raping one by one
the lone woman next door.
She'd met this rough tough rugby player
and he had invited
his mates, big burly men,
and Australians too,
in for some fun and games.
No, she said, and no again, again...
One man became ten more
and listening to the score, with all
the clapping and all the cheering on
found these goals made in such
triumph over defeat,
these feats of manliness,
did make my heart sicken
and paralyzed in indecision,
in doubt, fell apart through
my own ear-filled heavy fearfulness.
Would the captain thank me,
he speaks no English, would 
he even understand,
perhaps such a sweet and sour plunder 
would find only his envied respect?
How could I venture forth 
from my cabin, walk upon the decks,
while these watchful lads saw their private
separate consciences
pricked and repricked by my
saintly intervention?
To this day I regret
my non-self-transcendence
finding sinfulness in 
this sin committed through 
omission.

On this same trip I returned via 
India and resting there some time,
just after their day of
independence, stayed at 
this rajah's palace now cum hotel.
How could little gain so much, all this
luxury could be had for a fee
that barely reflected its more real
international worth.
Now, alas, those cheaper days are done
and jets fly us hither without the 
length of the journey that
we had to so easily endure.
A suite could be had for a pittance 
and with it room service 
fit for a king or queen.
A feast could be sat done to, called in 
on trays for next to nothing, nothing
more than a simple coin,
and love could be met for 
the price of affection.
Under the fan the linen boy had 
just made the bed and then
half-climbing upon it, 
on this tired day, let his 
alive eyes catch mine and 
beckoning let me rest upon it.
His hands met mine and his lips and tongue,
thirty-five years of strictest straightest
self-control just melted 
away into seconds.
To the very last day will fondly 
recall him, this initiation,
this first sexual sin of 
commission.

But, I exclaim, you don't
believe that sex itself can be sin?
We may be taught to feel guilt, but such 
is additional to the act for 
what we bring to it, for right or wrong,
cannot be found labelled in the midst 
of the action itself;
in the very action in-itself
we can find no wrongful doing in
the doing of what is merely done.
Only in its context
can we find its ethical content
and even then that context itself
has no inherent sway 
one way or the other. 
The sheer act of sexual emission
is a fact without value, mere acts 
of sexual congress remain just that.
Going to the toilet is no crime,
communal ablutions 
is no different in this respect!
Where art thou then O morality
but in the mindful spirit of those 
people who meet themselves
and those who meet others?
In relationships we share ourselves
and therein find no grasping demand
that can only issue 
forth from that lesser self,
that low egotistical ego 
that can never see more than the rules,
and their breaking; when such defective 
sin can never arise from those fields 
fertile founded, grounded in loving 
permission!

Scene VIII: Scorpio - Anonymous Sex?
 
	"Hi, my name is Andrew,
what's yours, am I allowed to ask you?"
"I'm Trevor", said the good looking youth.
"Do you come in here very often,
I've only been in here once before?"
"Not really", said the good looking youth,
"only occasionally come here,
it's not the best place to pass the time 
of day, lots of strange characters here,
all sorts, some unsavoury ones too".
"It's not your friend back there being whipped
is it, that religious guy crying
out loud to all the saints,
and our mother Mary, for mercy,
and loving every
tortured moment of it?"
"Hell no", replies Trevor,
"I'm not into pain only pleasure".
"Same here, don't like the gay scene much though,
all this easy anonymous sex, 
its too casual and impersonal,
much more fun getting to know some one",
and Andrew's new friend signals agreement.
The place was generally quite dark 
except for a few dim reddened lights
and the brightly moving movie screens.
There were many rooms in this maze and
some more lit than others,
then others came with no dimensions 
that let the heated blackness dissolve 
the walls into a thick 
heavy heaving emptiness with eyes
that did watch your every movement.
The two youths sought a solitary
assignation wandering into 
an empty room and locking the door.
There they put a simple 
introduction aside 
to savour a deeper 
more friendly affection,
letting things take their more fuller course.
Before long they find the time to part
and these two friends search the room for their
abandoned clothes shedded 
upon the dusty floor.
"Where's my shirt", says Andrew?
"Ah, here it is, I've found it at last!"
"No, no, that's not yours that's mine, look at 
the label it has my name on it,
my name, Bruce..!"

Scene IX: Sagittarius - Other People's Dreams!

	"There is just nothing like
good healthy prejudice,
in matters of mere taste
our subjectivity 
is then really called for.
In this world I have found
that there is something for everyone,
for otherwise we would all miss out!
None of us is Mr.Average
or Ms.Average for
who would want to accept 
such an unearned pointless accolade,
who would want to be seen 
and known as dull, be found
a mere stickler for the
straightest conformity,
strictly marching to the common norm?
Yet people must copy each other
without a moment's pause,
what I find you have I 
then will quickly want and vice versa, 
before we dismiss this 
semi-unconscious fact,
and then what I find you want I might 
then see as being desirable.
As social animals in a herd 
I find what you look at 
I shall look at once more,
through other's eyes and our own we think 
we may see real value,
but what we really see is only 
what we might currently
come to like or dislike..."
Or so as one gay friend 
did philosophise to 
another.

"But then we try to be 
like what we seek, all those popular 
heroes are aped with fashionable 
masks that say I am he - 
the man of your dreams, or, 
in seeing the simulation of 
some passing unknown unsung hero 
I thus cannot be he - 
the man of your dreams, alas, alas.
The truth of the matter 
is that more often than not we find 
those people who are not much like us 
do inspire us the more, 
get us to casually say hello 
and then keep us to remain awhile, 
and then stay much longer 
than ever thought anticipated..."
Or so the other gay 
friend did philosophise
in reply.

"Take me", said the other, 
"what I would like you could 
not possibly love and then for you
the same seems to apply.
I dream of a lover 
who plays rugby, might be a Maori,
perhaps with one or two nice tattoos,
likes a few drinks or two,
a real man..."

But our fickle fate is inclined to 
work the other way for 
the other friend one day 
not much after this conversation
met in a public bar 
the nicest of chaps, a Maori of 
cuddly fit dimensions 
who played excellent first grade rugby.
Nearly died when he went home with this 
friendly fellow and, in 
asking after his profession, found 
a policemen did walk 
beside him!

"You are not going to arrest me, 
are you", my friend half-joked 
when he did make this discovery 
thinking how his stoic friend would be 
green, but happy, with jealous envy?
Said the gay policeman, with a wink, 
"what ever you say will 
be taken down and used 
in evidence against you and hope 
you are aware that I, in the course 
of my investigations, am by 
duty bound to physically place
you under arrest should 
I have reason to suspect or find 
out that you have been naughty!" and with 
an intoxicated 
laugh nudged up beside his 
new found friend.

Such pleasures in those days 
were then, in all truth, against the law, 
against the good laws of 
this fine land!

Scene X: Capricorn - Lustful Prayers?

	Not all those ex-priests seek to marry,
or at least not the way 
we would expect them to.
In this poem let John
recount son histoire intéressante,
let him narrate his own story in
his own words...

As a theological student 
found time to meditate 
upon the real nature of myself.
After coming out to myself I 
decided it would be nice to have 
someone to come out to! 
So it came to be that 
with such enlightenment 
I ceased to be a priest.
After reading a gay magazine, 
a novelty for me in those days, 
decided to find a lover, a
man by mail, find a knight 
in bright shining armour,
find my armour through correspondence
wherein the humble pen might be just
mightier than the sword.
What sweet hopes pricked me when 
seeing the mail arrive 
each day and in the goodness of time 
and through careful appointment did meet
these hopeful applicants.
One lesson in life I learnt was that 
there is no difference 
between lust and prayer, 
all together they will equally 
spell out where our inner 
aspirations seek to rest awhile.
Saying this, making this equation, 
before the faithful would have shocked them
would it not?

Words on paper can mirror the soul,
fell in love with one of these writers
with many lengthy letters passing 
forever between us.
Then the day came to dawn when we would 
meet each other, then one last letter 
arrived telling me of
his happy interest 
in this occasion but
that he, as a religious person, 
who was not a religious person, 
could not contemplate sex - 
the sinful act although 
he knew that God did love the sinner. 
Praise the Lord!

At the airport we met each other
for the first time, or so we first thought,
although partly recognizing each 
other we could not remember where.
A fine man was he, fit through dancing,
a precisely spoken actor too!
Tall, dark and handsome with 
the shortest black moustache
whose stride itself was all 
poetry in motion.
Our conversation could not be stilled
and in witty well pitted humour 
our matched words did cross in 
jovial combat so the day was 
spent in such sporting play,
seeing galleries and some shopping,
reviewing books and plays, 
listening to records and eating,
going to the movies,
ending the day with hot chocolate 
before the cold of winter night could 
freeze away all of the 
many thoughts and words we 
had to say.

He retired to that room 
and I to this, alas,
but before ten minutes were up he 
knocked upon the door and
inviting himself in
took some warmer comfort beside me.
We should have just cuddled,
upon retrospection I see that 
I should have insisted,
for in the morning light 
he did leave as quick as 
he did come.

Two days later he left
leaving me with some of the good fruits 
of his literary invention,
one short story very well written,
no doubt autobiographical,
of a book seller who in despair
would end his short life like 
some burnt and bitter bread 
before an open gas fed oven.
An artist was he with
his saturn and venus 
meeting in the finest conjunction,
an earthbound figure that 
would transcend his guilty sin some day,
when he saw, sought and made 
no difference between 
his sweet outer body's
inward soul.

Then it struck me like vivid lightning,
like a thunderbolt from the heavens
as to where we had met.
My friend did indeed sell books and some 
five years before I paid 
numerous regular fortnightly 
pilgrimages to his shop to there 
review what stock he would have to hand,
eyeing him when he was 
busy with a customer for if 
I did lust well after anyone 
it was he who most set 
my heart aflame, afire,
and neither being out in any 
form what could we do but 
look at each other and 
know what we did feel for the other.
Seeing him would seize my 
whole frame with desire and 
being madly in love 
with such a sight a seizure within 
did prevent me from saying but more 
than a simple hesitant "hello".
Now with a moustache and hair redone
another way I quite forgot who 
he really was and so 
through these skilful means a 
literal reality had my 
lustful prayers fulfilled to the `t'.
Yes, I would sigh, one night 
and one night alone with him would make 
this life well lived for me, 
yet how could this worm seek 
such a greater fish that he might come 
and take me!?

Scene XI: Aquarius - The Sacrifice!

	On the weekends the Art Gallery
is a busy place with 
a multitude of people, a sea 
of many fine faces 
peering intently at 
the hanging art, others 
artfully looking to the side, from 
time to time, at all the
unseeing unsuspecting lookers 
especially when reviewing all
those possibly well-hung good lookers.
Both male and female in this regard
will here discretely eye each other, 
all without being seen, 
between the picture frames
and careful made comments 
pass between friend and friend. 
Sometimes other friends are 
Re-met by chance and relationships 
restored over a friendly cup of 
coffee or in a slow leisured stroll 
through the wooded parks on 
the domain, or gardens.
In this way Tom and Dick 
met Henry and Harry one summer's
afternoon.

Afterwards Henry tells 
Harry how he met Tom 
during one of those super secret 
gay dances back in the fifty's, when 
five hundred men, or more,
in the know would turn up 
to meet each other and 
how he was madly in love once with 
this very same person.
"I looked around the room",
he said, "but none took my eye except
this one shy well dressed guy.
He was not well off but had good taste
and I longed then and there to meet him.
Without catching his sight I just watched,
without him seeing me, 
being too shy myself, and coming
to feel this ambition 
was too much for me I gave it up,
renounced him with the thought
if we were meant in fate 
to meet each other then 
the gods themselves would see to it that
we would meet each other.
Got to talking to a friend and then 
noticed this same guy now seeing me!
He slowly came closer 
this way, we happened to pass, and I
on giving up some of 
my self-created fear 
(and fear-created self)
let him just brush past me.
His kind apology did signal
some conversation and before long
we got to know each other quite well.
Alas, for me the next day meant my
going overseas on 
business for six months,
but he said he would see me off so 
in leaving early let my sleep say
a first good bye before 
I sadly sailed away.
I was to see him at eight o'clock 
at his place near the wharves
for my boat left at nine
but waking early and 
sensing his sadness too 
took an earlier train 
to go knocking on his door at six.
We might have some breakfast together, 
I thought, but one very 
long longing kiss saw the end of that.
On my coming back we did then see 
some more of each other
but my friend then met this other guy,
whom you did meet today,
and on finding there a
more equal affection 
somehow did feel that he should perhaps 
follow this other course of action.
Seeing this more deeply 
growing love, for another, in love 
I gave him up but not 
without many, many
secret tears".

"That's very sad", Harry tells his friend,
"it must have been really hard for you".
"Yes, it was, but if you 
really want something you 
must be prepared to give it up, then, 
as well, to gain something 
you must also give up 
something else in its place.
A few months later, however, this 
sad loss turned to profit 
for I met another 
wonderful lust object.
A friend of Tom's introduced me to 
this divine creature and 
in love with lust itself
I quite forgot my previous loss.
I still madly lust after this guy 
when I see him", Henry
tells his friend, who, in swift
reply, jokingly states
"He had better not go near you or 
I'll punch his pretty face in for sure".
"Masochist", exclaims Henry rubbing 
briefly his friend's nose, "would you like me 
to do it for you, you wonderful
object of lust, you wonderful old
lust object!"

Scene XII: Pisces - Fortune and Misfortune? 

	Some people are lucky in this life 
and find themselves in need 
of little more than the abundance 
of good fortune given unto them.
Daniel seemed the type of 
person to be so blest 
coming from the finest 
of wealthy homes and fine parents too.
A small allowance was 
given to him by his most well healed
of uncles to see him 
through university 
with some short holidays 
in between should he wish.
His nineteen years of age
had left their mark upon him as a 
successful athlete and actor.
He had the finest of faces and 
cut a perfect figure 
with an even more perfect shaped mind:-
a refined person whose
gentle smile betrayed a poet of
a sensitive sensitivity 
and natural skill that through grace far 
exceeded the laboured 
labours of this writer. 
Indeed he was a rival of a
more worthier acclaim 
who had already won a number 
of poetic prizes.
For three years now, I am proud to say,
he has been one of my closest friends,
a faithful companion
and as the best of mates we easily 
found ourselves confiding 
in the other all our dreams and fears.
Alas some people are 
lucky in this life and 
find themselves in need of 
little more than the good 
fortune that follows them
and I was shocked one day 
to find my best friend beside himself,
in tears, hardly able to tell me
he had AIDS!

This Daniel was a virtuous chap
who strayed but little from his studies
and all his other activities.
Even in the longest semester 
he was busy what with
this play or that, playing 
soccer each weekend too, and training
constantly for the track,
reading and researching 
like an ancient scholar
who in the in between
did write now one book of 
well polished poems and 
then did end some other.
I later asked him how he might have 
happened upon this tragic fate and 
he recounted to me
the unfair sadness of this story.
"I write of love", he said,
"but knew it not, then, one day quite late 
at night when coming home 
from after a performance I was 
propositioned by this prostitute".
"Would I like a nice cup of coffee", 
I was quietly asked,
and then, "would I like to stay awhile.
How was I to know, and then before 
I knew it I was given the bill, 
had to pay for such blind affection.
Now I find I must pay up once more, 
what did I know of such things as this,
and I'm not permissive,
my one moment of sex had pleasure
leaves me with the darker taste of death!
Such bitter knowledge has cast me out,
for such knowledge I did not possess 
has left me undone, what dreams I had,
what hopes, cannot now see 
the longed for light of day.
Fat politicians did 
debate such a crime as this disease,
a well deserved punishment say some,
and in the sweet luxury of time 
wasted themselves in the 
silliest of profound arguments
that would kill a few more!
How many years would it 
take them to start to spend 
some public money in order to 
educate all those many people 
who were, just like me, left
unknowing".

A few months later in 
the hospice I sat beside my friend
now a hollow shadow,
a sunken sinking trace,
a kidnapped treasure lost forever.
I held his hand as his thoughts left him,
the beads of sweat fell from his brow as 
the hot and cold fevers 
inched up and took my friend 
ever closer to his hastened death.
No more shall the sweetest 
of inspiration leave 
from those parted lips, no words in some 
poetic form could ever measure
the loss we have in thee, dearest friend.
In this coma slow death 
mocks thee, preserves thee for 
but a little longer,
"why him", I ask myself,
"and not me?"

Epilogue

	Dear reader please forgive 
these deceptive poetic lines when 
they seem to overstep the mark, seem 
to move from or beyond 
the polite forms of conventional 
decency, see beyond
these stray images written down here 
for what I have said to thee is that 
life in its rich existential store 
can not itself be indecent nor 
should such great richness be kept hidden.
The living world is a store house of 
meaningful experience, waiting 
already filled to the foaming brim, 
forever fulfilled in 
the sheer loving eternity of 
the on going moment
above and beyond the mere present.
There the deeper darker side is just 
as much part of the day 
as day includes the night,
yet do we not get taught 
to see all this nature, 
and by implication 
our own nature, as dirty, dreadful, 
horrible, terrible 
and disgusting and so 
we do quite naturally, alas,  
all such things considered, avoid it,
neutralize it or sterilize it, 
choke it with weed killers, 
rubbish it and hide it 
away beyond the side of the road 
behind the billboards with all of their 
big company slogans of 
progress for the people, 
their big achievement, and their smoky 
effluent, or their much publicized 
investment in the human factor!?
We must recognize that 
we create our own environment, 
our own value, our own 
responsibility,
meaning and expression 
of that discovered meaningfulness. 
Such being the-worked-for 
means the same cannot be 
intrinsic to the world 
other than through the grounding of its
natural ev'ryday inherent 
existentiality, being 
the manner of its harmony in 
this life-world, this living world of life.
Let these simple stories 
herein recounted thus
stand as hidden pointers 
to the open richness of this world,
the unexpected novelty of 
our being in the midst of this world 
and to the fact that we must stand up
and not just be counted,
forever enfreeing ourselves from all 
those chains that would stop us 
from our being able 
to stand and speak proudly by ourselves 
and to stand together as we find 
our selves coming to stand in this world,
understanding this world,
creating our own climate, finding 
our own inner meaning 
through our relationships, 
discovering the essentials that
constitute our existence through and 
throughout our living and 
our loving!